Best Behavior for Brides and Bridesmaids
Commentary featured by GLAMOUR magazine online
Most every lady has been there – either as a bridesmaid dealing with a bridezilla, or as a bride disappointed by an uninvolved, unenthused bridesmaid. Neither party is necessarily to blame, but when the most important day in a girl’s life is at stake, the pressure is on for everyone to smile and everything to run smoothly. Miscommunication, false expectations, and feelings of burden or obligation, can call lead to shaky situations within bridal parties.
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- Getting ready together (photo by Quiana Duncan).
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- My amazing maid of honor fluffing my train (photo by Quiana Duncan).
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- My beautiful bridesmaids on the patio of our shared suite, wearing their complementary dresses and matching hook bracelets (photo by Quiana Duncan).
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- My bridesmaids wearing their matching tops at our bridal brunch the morning of my wedding day. They are pictured with me, my Mom and my husband’s Mom.
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- The amazing keepsake box my maid of honor handmade, given to me at my bridal brunch (photo provided by Bridesmaid Becca Thom).
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- My lovely bridesmaids on the beach at our wedding rehearsal (photo provided by Bridesmaid Becca Thom).
I have heard countless horror stories . . . I had a friend so embarrassed by her bridesmaid dress, that she carried a cocktail dress in her purse to change into the moment professional wedding photos were finished. A friend of a friend who was a graduate student at the time, had to set-up a yearlong payment plan with the bride’s family to repay them for the designer bridesmaid dress chosen for her by the bride. It goes without saying that in both these cases, the bride and bridesmaid were not the best of friends after the wedding.
As a recent bride and event planner turned wedding professional, I thought I would share some ideas on how to keep everyone happy and foster even stronger friendships after the wedding.
How brides can make their bridesmaids happy . . .
For my wedding in St Croix earlier this year, I included bridal party accommodations in my wedding budget. Footing the bill for a bridal suite not only lessened my bridesmaids’ travel expenses, but provided a slumber party-like environment for us to bond. On my wedding day, I offered to pay for a manicure or pedicure for each bridesmaid, so that we could get ready together in the resort spa.
Before the big day, I decided to make the dreaded bridesmaid dress a pleasant experience for all. I chose a fabric and color and let my bridesmaids choose the design of their dress through Aria. The cost of the dresses also came from my wedding budget. I had the dresses shipped directly to my bridesmaids, so that they could have them tailored to their liking. Since our ceremony was barefoot on the beach, I suggested a shoe type and color for the reception, and let my bridesmaids choose a pair from their closet collections. I made my bridesmaid gift their accessory, a hammered silver hook bracelet from Sonya’s Limited, the local company that originally began crafting the traditional island bracelet more than 40 years ago.
But the single most important thing I did as a bride to keep my bridesmaids happy was hire a wedding coordinator. SunCelebrations, the company I now coordinate with, executed my plans and took care of everything on my wedding day so that my bridesmaids and I could just relax and enjoy. In previous experiences as a bridesmaid, I had done everything from bleach outdoor chairs in the heat, to run last-minute beauty errands in the snow. I did not want my bridesmaids setting-up my ceremony or doing any of the dirty work (especially since they were on vacation too). Hiring a wedding coordinator was essential to keeping my wedding party happy.
What it takes to be a bridesmaid that remains friends with the bride after her wedding . . .
First and foremost, only say “yes” to a bride’s request to be a bridesmaid if you truly want to be a part of her big day. Particularly in situations where you’re a cousin or distant relative of the bride, you have the right to say “no thank you” upfront in a tasteful manner. Consider before agreeing if you really have the time and money necessary to devote to the wedding.
To maintain your sanity during stressful or frustrating times, remember that being a bridesmaid is an honor. By asking you to be part of her wedding, the bride is acknowledging that you have made a significant impact on her life. There are likely a handful of her family members and friends that are jealous they were not asked to be bridesmaids.
To not break the bank as a bridesmaid, consider making a gift for the bride. The couple will be overwhelmed with store-bought gifts from their wedding registries, so a handmade gift will stand out in a positive way. The most meaningful gift I received as a bride was a wedding keepsake box from my maid of honor. She simply covered a hat box with magazine cutouts of phrases and photos related to my wedding. The thought and time she put into it meant so much to me.
To keep the bride happy, try to plan ahead for a stress-free wedding day. Plan for the bridal party to get pedicures together at a spa, or participate in a calming activity like a yoga class. Surprise the bride with fruit and champagne to celebrate before the ceremony.
To stay organized, try creating an inbox folder for all wedding-related e-mails the bride and fellow bridesmaids send you. Put mailed invitations on your fridge so that you don’t have to bug the bride for times or directions on days of wedding events, like bridal showers.
Regarding the bridesmaid dress, try to happily wear whatever the bride asks you to. It boils down to a few hours wearing a dress you never have to wear again. Every guest is aware that your dress was the bride’s choice, so they will not judge you if it is a train wreck. Afterward, give your bridesmaid dress to a local Glass Slipper Project that recycles formals for girls to wear at school dances, who could not otherwise afford them. Just in case the bride ever asks, you gave the bridesmaid dress to a good cause.
In the end remember . . .
Brides: Don’t get caught-up in the silly details. Focus your attention on what your wedding is all about – you and your fiancé committing your lives to one another.
Bridesmaids: It is only one day, so just give it to the bride and enjoy.
Thanks for Remembering
The walk down the aisle from the movie Father of the Bride (photo property of Touchstone).
“Are you crying Dad?” I asked, as he tried to hide it at our rehearsal dinner. I had only seen my Dad Jack cry once before in my life, when our dog died. I had just handed him a thank you note and gift, a pen engraved Father of the Bride. That movie had been special to us since I was a little girl, so it only seemed right to include a quote from it in my note. As George (Steve Martin) walks his daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) down the aisle, he thinks: This was the moment I’d been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past 22 years.
My walk down the aisle with my Dad Jack on Carambola Beach (photo by my Aunt, Sandy Smith).
In the hustle and bustle of a wedding, brides and grooms often forget to say “thank you.” Not because they’re ungrateful, but simply because weddings are a whirlwind. It is important to take a moment to express appreciation for those making your wedding day possible, like your parents and wedding party. Not to mention important vendors like your officiant and all the guests traveling to see you say “I do.”
Reverand Koopmans holding our hook bracelets before we exchanged them as part of our ceremony (photo by Quiana Duncan).
For destination weddings, couples often opt for thank you gifts and favors that tie-in their destination. Personally, I selected original St Croix hook bracelets from Sonya’s for my bridesmaids. If worn with the hook closed to others, it means your heart is taken and vice versa. The bracelets looked beautiful worn all-together by the bridal party during our ceremony. My husband Greg and I also gave each other hook bracelets when we exchanged wedding rings, so it made the bridesmaid’s gift all-the-more meaningful.
Our guest welcome bags included chocolates from local shop Steele’s Smokes & Sweets, as well as small bottles of Cruzan rum with drink recipe cards attached.
A few elements of our guest welcome bags, including chocolates from Steele’s Smokes & Sweets in Christiansted (photo by my Grandma, Dorothy Paviolo).
The thank you notes you include are often as or more important than the gift you give. Consider the following recommendations for writing them:
- Handwriting your notes is a must.
- Invest the time or money to make or purchase stationary.
- Consider typing out what you want to say first to avoid sloppy spelling or grammar.
- Think about something you could only say to the person you’re writing to. Be it an inside joke or a meaningful memory between the two of you, try to weave it into what you write.
- Don’t just say thank you for the [blank]. Tell the recipient why the gift is meaningful to you or what your plans are for it. For example, in thanking someone for a monetary gift, tell them you are placing the funds into savings for your first home.
- The sooner you send, the better. If you can bring thank you notes and gifts to the wedding, even better. Etiquette guru Emily Post says thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of a gift.
Thoughtful favors and welcome bags will certainly be appreciated by your guests. Here are some suggestions on what to give from the knot guide to destination weddings:
- Local food, drink or candy delicacies
- CD from a great local musician
- Beach towel, sunscreen, flip-flops or visor
- Luggage tags personalized with each guest’s name and address
- Photo albums they can fill later with pictures from the trip
- Small stack of postcards from the destination (pre-stamped so guests can write friends back home)
Take your time, be creative and you’ll be sure to give unforgettable thank you notes and gifts!
Traveling to your destination wedding with gifts and favors can be overwhelming, especially with items that can break or melt. Let SunCelebrations take care of gifts and favors for you. Say “thanks” to your guests with customized welcome bags and favors that express your style and incorporate island flair. We offer everything from embroidered beach towels and personalized luggage tags, to local chocolates and rum. SunCelebrations can provide ideas, place /pick-up orders, assemble and deliver welcome bags (including printed itineraries) for your guests to enjoy on-arrival at their hotel, or place favors at your reception. We also offer thank you gifts for parents of the couple and wedding party.
“So where is paradise?”
Ashley Bouzianis April 09 Bride and SunCelebrations Marketing/Event Coordinator
*Announcing an “Ask Ashley” FREE conference call to answer all your questions about destination weddings from a bride who has been there. Please plan to dial-in Thursday, October 22 at 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST Click here to register! Already have questions in mind? Feel free to e-mail your questions beforehand (ashley@suncelebrations.com).
“So where is paradise?” Hundreds of strangers asked my husband Greg and I as they walked up the driveway of our moving sale in Texas earlier this year. “St. Croix!” we happily replied.
After taking several trips to our paradise and getting married on-island, we thought selling most of our belongings before moving to St. Croix would save on shipping. So we held a “moving to paradise” garage sale (complete with palms trees on our signs scattered around town), listed our stuff on Craig’s List or eBay and hit consignment stores.
We gave our remaining items to charities. Our DVDs went to a veteran’s hospital, while my stuffed animal collection went to less fortunate children in Central America. So far we have yet to need or want a single item we let go of (not even the two-thirds of my shoe collection I swore I couldn’t live without)!
Just as our three-day moving sale sold out in a matter of hours, everything about our move to St. Croix has fallen perfectly into place. From jobs to living situations, the stars have aligned in our favor! First and foremost, my new job as marketing /event coordinator of SunCelebrations.
Since my first phone consultation with SunCelebrations owner Cindy Clearwater, I was confident we were two peas in a pod. She’s a smart, savvy, no-nonsense business woman, which is precisely what a bride wants in a wedding coordinator! With my background in events, public relations and marketing, I set a high bar for the job. After a call and correspondence, I decided SunCelebrations was the right fit to coordinate my wedding.
Reviewing the details of the ceremony
Cindy’s first in-person activity with our wedding party was the ceremony rehearsal. She began giving instruction and as some side conversations continued among our large and social group, she stopped to get everyone’s attention in a polite but assertive manner. Perfect! Someone else to say the things that need to be said for our wedding to run smoothly, without me being labeled a dreaded “bridezilla!”
To all bride-to-be’s, I cannot tell you how priceless it is to be free of stress on your wedding day. My husband and I actually got to sit down and eat dinner just like the other guests at our wedding reception (which I have heard from countless brides is a rarity)!
Getting my hair done for the big day
On my wedding day, my job entailed getting pampered at the Carambola spa and taking in every moment with complete confidence the details were taken care of. Not by my bridesmaids or family members (they were on vacation too), but by competent and experienced professionals. Our wedding day was perfect!
So days after the big day, my new hubby and I met Cindy for happy hour at Fort Christian Brew Pub in Christiansted and told her we were considering relocating. Moving to paradise was something we had talked about since we first started dating! Cindy mentioned that I may be a good fit for her SunCelebrations team, which was just the jump start we needed to start seriously planning our move. Ever since, she has been an invaluable resource and friend during our transition.
Manicured nails are a must for perfect wedding pics!
Now that we’ve settled into a place on the east end of the island and Greg is also working, I’m ready to dive into destination weddings. I look forward to working with SunCelebrations, a business I truly believe in. Cindy is an incredibly talented event planner who is only limited by the fact that she can only be in one place at a time. I am confident my first-hand experience as a destination bride combined with my event planning background will lend itself well to SunCelebrations.
Yes … You can wear white after Labor Day (especially at your beach wedding)
When planning wedding attire for a tropical beach wedding in the islands, there are some things that you should keep in mind in order to keep yourself, your hubby and your wedding party comfortable and happy during your big day.
Beachy Brides: Even if you are having a casual beach wedding, you don’t have to give up on that formal dress you’ve always dreamed of – just be sure that the dress suits the environment. Most weddings on St Croix happen about an hour before sunset, and though its breezy, its still quite warm on the beach.
Dos:
- Choose strapless, spaghetti straps, halter or wide straps – show some sun-kissed skin!
- Choose natural fabrics like silk or light and flowing fabrics that breathe like chiffons.
- Think about sophisticated, classic and sleek lines.
- Pay attention to the back of your dress – ornate backs, beadwork, open-backs show a little skin and look beautiful in pictures.
- Check out Dessy.com’s Destination Wedding Dress Trend Report http://www.dessy.com/wedding-planner/dress-trends/ or check out their Destination Wedding collection http://www.dessy.com/wedding-dresses/
- Have a bridesmaid or family member practice bustling your dress in advance. Every dress bustles differently, and those darn little eyehooks can be hard to find. Have someone practice bustling your dress a few times and be sure to have them on hand before the first dance to hook you up.
- Kick off your heels. Heels just don’t work on the beach (they don’t work well on lawns either). There are so many options today when it comes to flip flops – from beaded and bejeweled to flips that leave a “just married” imprint in the sand. You can even accessorize your feet with some foot jewelry. Be sure to keep your foot attire in mind when fitting your wedding dress – you’ll want it to not drag on the ground when you are barefoot. Fun idea: Have a beachy spa day with your bridesmaids and treat yourselves to pedicures. The day before your wedding, have them help you paint an exotic Henna stain on your feet. You can get kits and ideas (be sure to practice in advance) here: http://hennatattoo.blogspot.com/search/label/henna%20kit
- Have a second dress. This is a growing trend that we really love. Have a second white, less formal, lighter and more comfortable dress for after the formalities (usually once photos are done following cake cutting). You’ll be cooler and so much more comfortable when you change and it will signal to your guests that the party has really kicked in. True Celebrity-style!
- Make sure your bathing suit matches the line of your dress! There is nothing worse than big bright tan lines on your wedding day! Be sure that the bathing suit you wear on the beach matches the line of your dress. And give that same direction to your bridesmaids!!
- Wear TONS of sunscreen. The sun in the tropics is strong. Tank tops and other shirts can also create those dreaded tan lines, so before your wedding day, be sure to be kind to your skin. Drink lots of water, wear at least a 30spf and reapply, reapply, reapply, reapply. This goes for your groom and wedding party too! Photoshop can fix your photos if there is a mishap, but try to avoid it in the first place!
- Accessorize! A simple and elegant piece of jewelry can really set off your wedding dress. Consider a local piece of jewelry – St Croix is known for its amazing jewelry artisans.
ib design "Circle of Life" collection
You can incorporate larimar (the azure blue Caribbean stone) for your “something blue”, pearls or other beachy elements. We’ve even had couples exchange “Crucian Bracelets” as part of their wedding ceremony! For apres ceremony, paper parasols will keep the sun off add a little flare to your pics.
- Some of our favorite jewelers on St Croix are
ib design (Kenny Chesney wears one of Whealon’s St John bracelets!) , Sonya’s (creator of the original St Croix Hook) and Crucian Gold - Looking for some real bling? Consider renting jewelry for you and your bridal party from Adorn Brides
Don’ts:
- Wear a long train – dragging your train down the beach is sure to pick up “hitchhikers” (pieces of seaweed, stones, etc) as you walk down the sandy aisle. Choose a chapel length or short train if you really can’t go without.
- Get burned!!! I can’t stress this enough. Sunscreen and the shade are your friend. Burns not only look bad in your pictures, but they are uncomfortable and unhealthy. Don’t ruin your wedding day by being over enthusiastic with tanning and neglecting good skincare!
A cool Groom is a happy Groom (groomsmen too): I can’t stress enough that you should not only think about the look and feel you want for your wedding, but also how your wedding party will feel wearing it. Consider the heat and humidity at a beach wedding and also consider whether your reception will be al fresco, dining outside under the stars, or will it be in an air-conditioned venue.
Dos:
- Again, choose natural fabrics and avoid synthetics. 100% Cotton and linen breathe keeping your guys cooler, more comfortable and preventing excessive sweat stains.
- If you really want your guys in suits or tuxes, keep them in linen or cotton light summer-weight suits. Consider having them wear short sleeve linen shirts underneath so that after portraits, they too can get comfortable.
- Consider cotton shirts with ties. They still have a smart, clean look but are cooler than jackets.
- Guayaberras. Guy-a-whos?! Guayaberras!! Traditional Latin American linen wedding shirts. These shirts are usually embroidered down the front and were traditional wedding attire in hot, steamy climates. The look beautiful on the beach and are the perfect touch for a casually, elegant beach wedding. Try matching the embroidery thread to your wedding colors for an extra pop of color.
white linen Guayabera
- For a fun, casual style wedding, have your groomsmen wear tropical-style shirts in the same pattern or for a little extra fun, have them pick out their own.
- Have your guys go barefoot or wear nice leather sandals. These can still look smart with a formal suit. (just be sure to leave out the socks!)
Don’ts:
- Expect your groom and/or groomsmen to keep jackets on for the reception.
- Don’t forget about the heat! Choose synthetic fabrics like rayon.
- Don’t leave your groomsmen standing on the beach for half an hour waiting for you. Plan your hair & makeup preparations carefully, giving yourself plenty of time to avoid running late. Sweats stains will creep into your wedding photos.
- Resources:
http://www.theguayaberashirtstore.com/
We LOVE Tommy Bahama: http://www.tommybahama.com/TBG/Men/Wedding.jsp
photo (c) Kelly Greer Photographer
For the Bridesmaids:
Again, light weight, no more than 2-layers and natural fabrics are ideal. Think bright colors or jewel tones inspired by the natural surroundings. Also think about the type of flowers you would like them to carry. I think that flowers that contrast with the dresses pop and look stunning in pictures – think bright orange & reds with a turquoise or deep blue dress. Or lime-green cymbidium orchids against a navy dress. If you’re getting married in the tropics, there’s no need to be afraid of color!
- Give your bridesmaids direction with color, but allow them to choose a style and neckline that flatters their figure.
- Choose colors that pop and compliment your theme.
- Remind your bridesmaids to wear a bathing suit that matches the neckline of their dress!
- Give your bridesmaids the gift of sunscreen!
- For more casual beach weddings, consider giving your girls some color direction, but letting them go and pick out their own sundresses.
- For a more dramatic look, consider long, flowing, chiffon gowns in your theme colors.
- Accessorize your gals with simple pendants that compliment the neckline of their dresses.
Don’ts
- Go too formal. There’s a reason you are having a beach wedding!
- Forget to have fun! Don’t let the stress of “the perfect wedding” take the fun out of planning. Keep your inner bridezilla at bay.
- Resources:
We love the fun, colorful patterns of Lily Pulitzer http://www.lillypulitzer.com/
J. Crew’s style and fabrics are great for tropical weddings http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Navigation/Wedding.jsp
For your guests: Be sure to give your guests at your Destination Wedding a little direction too so that they pack just what they need. For island elegant, semi-formal weddings specify that gentleman should wear jackets and ties, ladies in gowns or cocktail dresses. For more casual weddings suggest button down shirts for men and sundresses for the ladies. To incorporate your guests into your theme – recommend a color for guests or request that all gentlemen wear tropical shirts. We’ve even done weddings where the bride & groom requested that everyone wear flip flops and the invitation included a note that there would be a “best flip flop” parade and contest at the reception. Guests had a blast coming up with some really unique footwear. How fun is that?!
Remember, if you’ve already chosen to have a destination wedding, you’re already “thinking outside the box”. Have fun with it and keep the comfort of your wedding party and guests in mind when planning. They’ll thank you for it and you’ll all enjoy yourselves that much more!
Sun & Smiles,
Cindy
all photos courtesy Kelly Greer Photographer and Quiana L Duncan Photography
Special thanks to Kelly Greer Photographer and Quiana L Duncan for their amazing photos! All weddings above are from our previous SunCelebrities (TM)!
