Best Behavior for Brides and Bridesmaids

Commentary featured by GLAMOUR magazine online

Most every lady has been there – either as a bridesmaid dealing with a bridezilla, or as a bride disappointed by an uninvolved, unenthused bridesmaid. Neither party is necessarily to blame, but when the most important day in a girl’s life is at stake, the pressure is on for everyone to smile and everything to run smoothly. Miscommunication, false expectations, and feelings of burden or obligation, can call lead to shaky situations within bridal parties.

I have heard countless horror stories . . . I had a friend so embarrassed by her bridesmaid dress, that she carried a cocktail dress in her purse to change into the moment professional wedding photos were finished. A friend of a friend who was a graduate student at the time, had to set-up a yearlong payment plan with the bride’s family to repay them for the designer bridesmaid dress chosen for her by the bride. It goes without saying that in both these cases, the bride and bridesmaid were not the best of friends after the wedding.

As a recent bride and event planner turned wedding professional, I thought I would share some ideas on how to keep everyone happy and foster even stronger friendships after the wedding.

How brides can make their bridesmaids happy . . .

For my wedding in St Croix earlier this year, I included bridal party accommodations in my wedding budget. Footing the bill for a bridal suite not only lessened my bridesmaids’ travel expenses, but provided a slumber party-like environment for us to bond. On my wedding day, I offered to pay for a manicure or pedicure for each bridesmaid, so that we could get ready together in the resort spa.

Before the big day, I decided to make the dreaded bridesmaid dress a pleasant experience for all. I chose a fabric and color and let my bridesmaids choose the design of their dress through Aria. The cost of the dresses also came from my wedding budget. I had the dresses shipped directly to my bridesmaids, so that they could have them tailored to their liking. Since our ceremony was barefoot on the beach, I suggested a shoe type and color for the reception, and let my bridesmaids choose a pair from their closet collections. I made my bridesmaid gift their accessory, a hammered silver hook bracelet from Sonya’s Limited, the local company that originally began crafting the traditional island bracelet more than 40 years ago.

But the single most important thing I did as a bride to keep my bridesmaids happy was hire a wedding coordinator. SunCelebrations, the company I now coordinate with, executed my plans and took care of everything on my wedding day so that my bridesmaids and I could just relax and enjoy. In previous experiences as a bridesmaid, I had done everything from bleach outdoor chairs in the heat, to run last-minute beauty errands in the snow. I did not want my bridesmaids setting-up my ceremony or doing any of the dirty work (especially since they were on vacation too). Hiring a wedding coordinator was essential to keeping my wedding party happy.

What it takes to be a bridesmaid that remains friends with the bride after her wedding . . .

First and foremost, only say “yes” to a bride’s request to be a bridesmaid if you truly want to be a part of her big day. Particularly in situations where you’re a cousin or distant relative of the bride, you have the right to say “no thank you” upfront in a tasteful manner. Consider before agreeing if you really have the time and money necessary to devote to the wedding.

To maintain your sanity during stressful or frustrating times, remember that being a bridesmaid is an honor. By asking you to be part of her wedding, the bride is acknowledging that you have made a significant impact on her life. There are likely a handful of her family members and friends that are jealous they were not asked to be bridesmaids.

To not break the bank as a bridesmaid, consider making a gift for the bride. The couple will be overwhelmed with store-bought gifts from their wedding registries, so a handmade gift will stand out in a positive way. The most meaningful gift I received as a bride was a wedding keepsake box from my maid of honor. She simply covered a hat box with magazine cutouts of phrases and photos related to my wedding. The thought and time she put into it meant so much to me.

To keep the bride happy, try to plan ahead for a stress-free wedding day. Plan for the bridal party to get pedicures together at a spa, or participate in a calming activity like a yoga class. Surprise the bride with fruit and champagne to celebrate before the ceremony.

To stay organized, try creating an inbox folder for all wedding-related e-mails the bride and fellow bridesmaids send you. Put mailed invitations on your fridge so that you don’t have to bug the bride for times or directions on days of wedding events, like bridal showers.

Regarding the bridesmaid dress, try to happily wear whatever the bride asks you to. It boils down to a few hours wearing a dress you never have to wear again. Every guest is aware that your dress was the bride’s choice, so they will not judge you if it is a train wreck. Afterward, give your bridesmaid dress to a local Glass Slipper Project that recycles formals for girls to wear at school dances, who could not otherwise afford them. Just in case the bride ever asks, you gave the bridesmaid dress to a good cause.

In the end remember . . .

Brides: Don’t get caught-up in the silly details. Focus your attention on what your wedding is all about – you and your fiancé committing your lives to one another.

Bridesmaids: It is only one day, so just give it to the bride and enjoy.