Best Behavior for Brides and Bridesmaids
Commentary featured by GLAMOUR magazine online
Most every lady has been there – either as a bridesmaid dealing with a bridezilla, or as a bride disappointed by an uninvolved, unenthused bridesmaid. Neither party is necessarily to blame, but when the most important day in a girl’s life is at stake, the pressure is on for everyone to smile and everything to run smoothly. Miscommunication, false expectations, and feelings of burden or obligation, can call lead to shaky situations within bridal parties.
-
- Getting ready together (photo by Quiana Duncan).
-
- My amazing maid of honor fluffing my train (photo by Quiana Duncan).
-
- My beautiful bridesmaids on the patio of our shared suite, wearing their complementary dresses and matching hook bracelets (photo by Quiana Duncan).
-
- My bridesmaids wearing their matching tops at our bridal brunch the morning of my wedding day. They are pictured with me, my Mom and my husband’s Mom.
-
- The amazing keepsake box my maid of honor handmade, given to me at my bridal brunch (photo provided by Bridesmaid Becca Thom).
-
- My lovely bridesmaids on the beach at our wedding rehearsal (photo provided by Bridesmaid Becca Thom).
I have heard countless horror stories . . . I had a friend so embarrassed by her bridesmaid dress, that she carried a cocktail dress in her purse to change into the moment professional wedding photos were finished. A friend of a friend who was a graduate student at the time, had to set-up a yearlong payment plan with the bride’s family to repay them for the designer bridesmaid dress chosen for her by the bride. It goes without saying that in both these cases, the bride and bridesmaid were not the best of friends after the wedding.
As a recent bride and event planner turned wedding professional, I thought I would share some ideas on how to keep everyone happy and foster even stronger friendships after the wedding.
How brides can make their bridesmaids happy . . .
For my wedding in St Croix earlier this year, I included bridal party accommodations in my wedding budget. Footing the bill for a bridal suite not only lessened my bridesmaids’ travel expenses, but provided a slumber party-like environment for us to bond. On my wedding day, I offered to pay for a manicure or pedicure for each bridesmaid, so that we could get ready together in the resort spa.
Before the big day, I decided to make the dreaded bridesmaid dress a pleasant experience for all. I chose a fabric and color and let my bridesmaids choose the design of their dress through Aria. The cost of the dresses also came from my wedding budget. I had the dresses shipped directly to my bridesmaids, so that they could have them tailored to their liking. Since our ceremony was barefoot on the beach, I suggested a shoe type and color for the reception, and let my bridesmaids choose a pair from their closet collections. I made my bridesmaid gift their accessory, a hammered silver hook bracelet from Sonya’s Limited, the local company that originally began crafting the traditional island bracelet more than 40 years ago.
But the single most important thing I did as a bride to keep my bridesmaids happy was hire a wedding coordinator. SunCelebrations, the company I now coordinate with, executed my plans and took care of everything on my wedding day so that my bridesmaids and I could just relax and enjoy. In previous experiences as a bridesmaid, I had done everything from bleach outdoor chairs in the heat, to run last-minute beauty errands in the snow. I did not want my bridesmaids setting-up my ceremony or doing any of the dirty work (especially since they were on vacation too). Hiring a wedding coordinator was essential to keeping my wedding party happy.
What it takes to be a bridesmaid that remains friends with the bride after her wedding . . .
First and foremost, only say “yes” to a bride’s request to be a bridesmaid if you truly want to be a part of her big day. Particularly in situations where you’re a cousin or distant relative of the bride, you have the right to say “no thank you” upfront in a tasteful manner. Consider before agreeing if you really have the time and money necessary to devote to the wedding.
To maintain your sanity during stressful or frustrating times, remember that being a bridesmaid is an honor. By asking you to be part of her wedding, the bride is acknowledging that you have made a significant impact on her life. There are likely a handful of her family members and friends that are jealous they were not asked to be bridesmaids.
To not break the bank as a bridesmaid, consider making a gift for the bride. The couple will be overwhelmed with store-bought gifts from their wedding registries, so a handmade gift will stand out in a positive way. The most meaningful gift I received as a bride was a wedding keepsake box from my maid of honor. She simply covered a hat box with magazine cutouts of phrases and photos related to my wedding. The thought and time she put into it meant so much to me.
To keep the bride happy, try to plan ahead for a stress-free wedding day. Plan for the bridal party to get pedicures together at a spa, or participate in a calming activity like a yoga class. Surprise the bride with fruit and champagne to celebrate before the ceremony.
To stay organized, try creating an inbox folder for all wedding-related e-mails the bride and fellow bridesmaids send you. Put mailed invitations on your fridge so that you don’t have to bug the bride for times or directions on days of wedding events, like bridal showers.
Regarding the bridesmaid dress, try to happily wear whatever the bride asks you to. It boils down to a few hours wearing a dress you never have to wear again. Every guest is aware that your dress was the bride’s choice, so they will not judge you if it is a train wreck. Afterward, give your bridesmaid dress to a local Glass Slipper Project that recycles formals for girls to wear at school dances, who could not otherwise afford them. Just in case the bride ever asks, you gave the bridesmaid dress to a good cause.
In the end remember . . .
Brides: Don’t get caught-up in the silly details. Focus your attention on what your wedding is all about – you and your fiancé committing your lives to one another.
Bridesmaids: It is only one day, so just give it to the bride and enjoy.
Thanks for Remembering
The walk down the aisle from the movie Father of the Bride (photo property of Touchstone).
“Are you crying Dad?” I asked, as he tried to hide it at our rehearsal dinner. I had only seen my Dad Jack cry once before in my life, when our dog died. I had just handed him a thank you note and gift, a pen engraved Father of the Bride. That movie had been special to us since I was a little girl, so it only seemed right to include a quote from it in my note. As George (Steve Martin) walks his daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams-Paisley) down the aisle, he thinks: This was the moment I’d been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past 22 years.
My walk down the aisle with my Dad Jack on Carambola Beach (photo by my Aunt, Sandy Smith).
In the hustle and bustle of a wedding, brides and grooms often forget to say “thank you.” Not because they’re ungrateful, but simply because weddings are a whirlwind. It is important to take a moment to express appreciation for those making your wedding day possible, like your parents and wedding party. Not to mention important vendors like your officiant and all the guests traveling to see you say “I do.”
Reverand Koopmans holding our hook bracelets before we exchanged them as part of our ceremony (photo by Quiana Duncan).
For destination weddings, couples often opt for thank you gifts and favors that tie-in their destination. Personally, I selected original St Croix hook bracelets from Sonya’s for my bridesmaids. If worn with the hook closed to others, it means your heart is taken and vice versa. The bracelets looked beautiful worn all-together by the bridal party during our ceremony. My husband Greg and I also gave each other hook bracelets when we exchanged wedding rings, so it made the bridesmaid’s gift all-the-more meaningful.
Our guest welcome bags included chocolates from local shop Steele’s Smokes & Sweets, as well as small bottles of Cruzan rum with drink recipe cards attached.
A few elements of our guest welcome bags, including chocolates from Steele’s Smokes & Sweets in Christiansted (photo by my Grandma, Dorothy Paviolo).
The thank you notes you include are often as or more important than the gift you give. Consider the following recommendations for writing them:
- Handwriting your notes is a must.
- Invest the time or money to make or purchase stationary.
- Consider typing out what you want to say first to avoid sloppy spelling or grammar.
- Think about something you could only say to the person you’re writing to. Be it an inside joke or a meaningful memory between the two of you, try to weave it into what you write.
- Don’t just say thank you for the [blank]. Tell the recipient why the gift is meaningful to you or what your plans are for it. For example, in thanking someone for a monetary gift, tell them you are placing the funds into savings for your first home.
- The sooner you send, the better. If you can bring thank you notes and gifts to the wedding, even better. Etiquette guru Emily Post says thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of a gift.
Thoughtful favors and welcome bags will certainly be appreciated by your guests. Here are some suggestions on what to give from the knot guide to destination weddings:
- Local food, drink or candy delicacies
- CD from a great local musician
- Beach towel, sunscreen, flip-flops or visor
- Luggage tags personalized with each guest’s name and address
- Photo albums they can fill later with pictures from the trip
- Small stack of postcards from the destination (pre-stamped so guests can write friends back home)
Take your time, be creative and you’ll be sure to give unforgettable thank you notes and gifts!
Traveling to your destination wedding with gifts and favors can be overwhelming, especially with items that can break or melt. Let SunCelebrations take care of gifts and favors for you. Say “thanks” to your guests with customized welcome bags and favors that express your style and incorporate island flair. We offer everything from embroidered beach towels and personalized luggage tags, to local chocolates and rum. SunCelebrations can provide ideas, place /pick-up orders, assemble and deliver welcome bags (including printed itineraries) for your guests to enjoy on-arrival at their hotel, or place favors at your reception. We also offer thank you gifts for parents of the couple and wedding party.
Snorkels and Signs
“I think I bought this snorkel at a grocery store,” I told my husband Greg as I unpacked the shoddy children’s pool toy with my scuba mask and fins. We decided to spend a recent Sunday at Cramer’s Park in a class to improve our snorkel skills. Well, I must have cleared the ocean water from that crappy snorkel 100 times before the end of the class. Each time a wave came along or I tilted my head slightly too far in one direction, I had a mouthful of water. Now that I live on an island, it was time to invest in an ocean-worthy snorkel.
Cindy, Captain Miles Sperber (owner of Caribbean Sea Adventures) & Ashley
Soon after, my boss Cindy and I had just spent a long Saturday working a wedding. So she nicely shifted our weekend to Sunday/Monday and arranged for us to sail to Buck Island and snorkel with Caribbean Sea Adventures. Because we provide concierge services to clients of SunCelebrations and Vacation St Croix, it is important for us to be in-the-know on island activities and be able to make recommendations from personal experience. Cindy and I ended up rushing just to make the boat that morning, so I had no time to stop into a scuba shop and again toted the kid’s snorkel along. Luckily, Caribbean Sea Adventures had the boat stocked and I was able to borrow a good one.
Scuba Cindy heads to the ocean floor
Cindy, a former crew member on Big Beard’s sails to Buck Island, was an excellent guide during our snorkel. Although we spent part of it pelted by rain, it was calm underwater. We saw vibrant fish, gorgeous coral and a host of barracuda. Because Buck Island is a marine park, it is well marked with underwater signs. Some note the snorkeling path, others caution that touching coral kills it, while others denote types of coral commonly found on the reef. Cindy and I shared a laugh about a question she often received while leading snorkel tours of tourists, “why wasn’t there a squirrel fish right next to the squirrel fish sign?”
Ashley & Cindy - A great day at the "office"
Next stop was Chenay Bay for a beach barbeque. Just as we pulled up to the resort and we were finishing our rum punch, I accidentally knocked Cindy’s cup off the stern of the sailboat. Not wanting to litter, I dove in after it. Since the cup was clear and impossible to see underwater, I decided to make amends with Mother Ocean by picking up other pieces of trash on the shallow bottom.
Ashley explores the reef at Buck Island Reef
A great day with Captain JP aboard Wavedancer
I was delving down for what looked like a sock when nearby I saw . . . a snorkel! Partially covered by seaweed, but otherwise I had found a pristine, adult snorkel by US Divers.
Another opportunity to snorkel came up not long after. Our friend Chuck, owner of The Palms at Pelican Cove, invited us to join him for a night snorkel off the shore near his home. While we practically had to drag Greg and Cindy to get in the ocean at night, all of us were excited to see what nocturnal creatures would be out. We happen to pick a night with a strong ocean surge, making it next to impossible to swim. We managed to see and touch a couple of amazing things – a sea star and sea cucumber. A few fish looked panicked by the crazy current, but for the most part everything was in-hiding.
Barracuda!
Chuck said that of the 250 plus snorkels he’s taken off the Palms beach, the conditions that night were the worst. A sign we should probably have accepted – when sea life is swimming for cover, you probably should be too! However, it was a great experience for the three of us to get accustomed to the ocean at night for future snorkel and scuba diving adventures.
Complementary rum punch hits the spot after snorkeling!
Lessons learned:
- Use pool toys in pools, not oceans.
- Take “professional development” days off with your colleagues.
- Care for the earth and enjoy when a good deed comes back to you.
- Appreciate the kindness of new friends.
- Take adventures that push you out of your comfort zone.
- Watch for signs, in the ocean and in life.
Celebrating Earth Week: Tips for a Greener Wedding
… Below is a reprinting of my blog entry from April 21st 2009, due to a technical difficulty, past blog entries were deleted. But this one was worth reprinting!!
An eco-tourism paradise: St Croix has plenty of green!
In honoring Earth Week 2009, here are a few of the ways that we at SunCelebrations are committed to keeping our island and our earth a little more green, as well as some tips for you to “green up” your wedding!
- In our office, we print as little as possible. As most of our clients are far away – we do most all of our planning via email and the internet – we are able to keep the majority of our correspondence and files electronic. Our Service Guides and portfolio are electronic pdf files and we use MS Outlook and OneNote to keep it all organized.
- When we do need to print – we use recycled paper – including really cool Banana Paper – and we print on both sides.
- For faxing, we use efax.com services. Again, keeping our files electronic. We can “fax” documents right out of our email and receive faxes as pdfs. These are kept in electronic folders on the main computer and are only printed if necessary.
- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle is truly our motto! We repurpose decorator items for weddings. This also saves costs for our brides (reduces shipping costs when things are already here!). All of our weddings are unique, so we look at new and different ways to use items. For instance, most of our vases can also be used as candle holders!
- Speaking of candles… we have been investing in LED “votives” to rent to clients. These are an excellent alternative to traditional candles for a couple of reasons. Candles are typically made of petroleum products (unless you are purchasing “greener” beeswax or soy which are a little more costly), they also tend to blow out at outdoor venues. Today’s LED candles stay lit (for up to 48hrs) and are so lifelike they even flicker. LED lights use 1/10th of the power of incandescant lights, come in fun colors and are convenient to use at outdoor venues that may lack outlets. By renting LED candles, you can also avoid shipping costs. We even recycle the spent batteries! To purchase LED candles for your wedding visit:
100 Candles.com – Candles, Candle Holders, Soy Candles and more! - Gift bags are super popular with destination brides. It’s a nice way to say “thank you for travelling so far to celebrate with us” … we encourage our brides to purchase reusable shopping bags for their gift bags! They come in lots of fun colors, are very inexpensive and promote the use of reusable shopping bags. We love www.papermart.com They make great beach bags too!
- Buy local!!! For gift bags and other items, we encourage our brides to purchase from local vendors on St Croix. Again, being eco-savvy also means being economical. Buying local avoids a lot of shipping costs for our clients. It’s also a nice way to promote our local economy and to offer a keepsake or memento of the islands.
- Use Local flowers. We work with a very talented local florist, Gloria Powell of www.antilleslilies.com She is an expert at using local flora for weddings! She is versed on what is blooming at different times of the year and incorporates them into the flowers along with the color scheme and bride’s style. It can get very pricey shipping flowers here (they have to be flown in) – so this is a fantastic way to save some money and also get a really unique bouquet or arrangement. My brides are always thrilled with her artistry.
- Promote local farmers. Local produce simply tastes better and is better for you! We have recently teamed up with the chef at the VI Sustainable Farm Institute www.visfi.org – an ICO and USDA certified organic farm. They have been producing monthly “Slow Food” dinners that sell out in a heartbeat and so we’ve added them to our roster of chefs for private functions. We’re so excited to be promoting not only whole, organic foods, but also great people doing GREAT things in our community.
- And lastly, if you already have your home set up and aren’t in need of another toaster – consider requesting your guests make a donation in your honor in lieu of gifts. There are so many deserving local charities on St Croix as part of your legacy, leave a positive lasting impression by offering help to those who live here. Some of the excellent charities that we support are:
- FirstBook a grassroots charity committed to literacy by providing underpriviledged children in our community with BRAND NEW reading books. Ask us about donations directly to the local St Croix Chapter.
- St Croix Animal Welfare Center supports the homeless animals on St Croix and provides humane education to local schools and the community. I have 2 shelter babies – Teleulah & Boddhi. The SCAWC works with stateside “no kill” shelters to place even more animals in loving homes. If you would like to participate in their “Pets from Paradise” program and escort a puppy or kitten to a shelter in the states, contact us for more information. The shelter in St Croix will meet you at the airport, the shelter in the states will meet you upon arrival. Its so easy!!
Boddhi
- Teleulah
